It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Randomize
