I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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