New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
