So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
