then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i permit you to call me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
