Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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