Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
