i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Did we literally take a cab across the street
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
