rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Do vagina's smell?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
