how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
