I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
