well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
