scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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