I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
