mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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