I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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