I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
