How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
