i just sent this text using only my big toe
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
