Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
bring money and cleavage
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
