Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Are my feet made of real feet?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
