Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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