i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
