I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
