I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
