Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize