Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i think my tv is drunk
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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