Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
