I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
