he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize