i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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