I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
