The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize