The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
