just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
