My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
