we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
