so explain again why im purple
no
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
