You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
