There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
