he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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