Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
