just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
im holly from the hills drunk
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
