she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
