I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
