I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
