So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize