He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
