My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
