yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
