Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
