Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
