sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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