Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
