I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
