none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
