Your face is a jimmy john
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
