I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
