You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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