We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't deserve a penis
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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