How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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