Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
