I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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