Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Floor bacon is actually really good
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
