A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
BRING THE BAGELS
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
