if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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