This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
