Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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