Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
