my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
