this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
