so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Please don't give away my fajitas
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
