Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
